Last night, I called my daughter after I got off work. She'd been on my mind. It had been a few days since I heard from her and I wanted to see how she was doing. I knew she started a new job last week, working at a record label in Los Angeles. I was excited to hear how that was going. And Friday, she visited her doctor to remove more stitches. So, I was wondering about her.
The first thing she tells me is she's made flight arrangements for Christmas! I wasn't quite sure what she meant. Last conversation she and I had about Christmas, she was going to my brother's home in California.
So, I asked her where she was going.
Oh, you're coming home for Christmas.
Yeah! I'll send you my flight itinerary.
You're gonna be there, aren't you?
Yes, I plan to be home for Christmas.
Our conversation went on about her Halloween events, photos she took of herself dressed in costume, how her job was going, etc... But, I really was surprised that she was coming home for Christmas, and worried about how I really felt about this. I should be ecstatic with excitement. I'm not. At least, I'm not yet.
Last year, my guy and I went on a cruise to Mexico for Christmas. Just the two of us. We had a wonderful time.
The year before, my guy and I had both taken the whole week of Christmas off work to be with our kids and families. My family fell apart, had a huge fight with us. There wasn't any Christmas with my kids or parents that year.
This year, I will be home for Christmas. I have not asked for any time off work. Though, Christmas falls on a Monday this year. My office is closed that Monday and Tuesday. So I will have a nice, long, four-day-weekend for Christmas.
My parents had initially made plans to spend the holidays in California with my brother this year. So, I wasn't worried about the holiday tug of war between families and all those uncomfortable feelings. But, with my mom's recent knee replacement surgery and follow-up appointments with her breast cancer docs, my parents have decided to stay put for the winter. I'm sure this is the reason my daughter has had a change in her plans. That's okay, no problem.
I'd like to think I'm able to move on. I'd like to believe my family can move on. It's like no one seems to understand... for family sake, forgive and move on!
It was 4 a.m. We were up, wrapping gifts, waiting for my guy to arrive home from his Seattle run. My guy said something that upset my daughter when he walked in the door. She had flown in from Seattle earlier that night. Everyone went to bed.
While at a restaurant for dinner the next day, my kids attacked me verbally in a very disrespectful manner. My daughter was angry but I wasn't exactly sure why, and she was dragging my son in along with her. I tried to defuse the situation there, at the time. It went from bad to worse.
When we got home, I followed my two kids into their room and asked them what the heck was going on! My guy stayed in the livingroom until he heard my kids screaming at me. He only came to my defense to ask what was going on and to let the two of them know it was not alright to speak to their mom the way they were speaking to me.
The next thing I knew, my son is climbing out his bedroom window, calling my father to come get them. My daughter was gathering all her belongings and storming out the front door. That was the last time I saw either of them until we all met with a mediator at the church a couple of days later.
Our family Christmas celebration was cancelled by my father after that meeting. I saw my son for an hour Christmas day before he flew to his dad's for his week with his dad.
So, I didn't want to be here last Christmas. I didn't want to be involved in the drama. I just couldn't handle it. And this year, my parents were going to be gone, my daughter was going to go to my brothers with them. I was just going to work and have a little something here at the house for us. I didn't plan on having to deal with family emotions.
At least it's just the beginning of November, so there's plenty of time to warm up to the idea of my family all being here for Christmas. Forgive and move on... I do keep looking at December 22nd or 23rd cruise departures! Just kidding.
Anxiety Dream #870439
1 week ago