Thursday, November 08, 2007

Thanks

Thanks, you guys! Last night I thought I was going to explode with madness! I was so upset... just really upset, filled with every different emotion to be had. Angry at her parents... how could they allow this!!? Mad at my son... he knows I think it's wrong! Just upset with everything.

I have befriended my son's girlfriend, and seriously, she really is a nice girl. She seems to like being around me. My son, though, wants to be away from home, away from me. There are times I will spend with just her. We've gone to summer festivals and shopping together.

I know it's time, my son needs to move out, start his own life, so I can keep my life sane. And, I'm sure as soon as he's able, he will move out. That's not a problem with me. Of course, I'm wishing he would stay at home and go to college, but I also know, he's got to do what he feels is right for him. At this point in his life, I can give advice, advice he can take or leave... I know this.

He's talked about marrying this girl. He's also talked about joining the service. And yes, I've tried to talk with him about both of these ideas. He's 18 and can do what he wants, it's none of my business.

Sometimes I sit here, all alone in this house, and wonder... wonder what the heck I did to have ended up all alone! I never, ever imagined I would be my age and alone in life, ever! I hate being alone, but do not expect my kids to fullfill this void in my life.

I admit, I'm not ready to be alone, but... I am okay with my son moving out. There's just too many differences, too many "...it's none of your business, mom..." I still believe, as long as he lives here, the things I do ask about are my business, whether he likes it or not.

Well... He doesn't pay rent, he's not working. He's known that if he wasn't in school fulltime come September 2007, he would need to pay rent. I don't think he won't pay, he just doesn't have a job right now. He is going to interviews, so hopefully he find something soon. Again, I'd rather he went to college full time and stayed home rent free. It's really not about the money, it's more about education, responsibilities and respect.

4 comments:

Psychfun said...

As a college professor I will say that those who come to college just because their parents want them to do not do well. They have to find their own way & passion to go & do well. I would recommend a book by Dr. Mel Levine called "Ready or Not, Here Life Comes". I think it might help. He also has "The Myth of Laziness" and "A Mind At A Time" which is more on why students at any age do not do well in school. He needs your support but that does not mean enabling him. There is a reason & purpose for everything and college is not for everyone. Heck there are many people who first do not go to college and are zillionaires! :-) Also, many who do not & quite frankly I need them. They are my mechanics, and just sooo many other things people do for me in life. Every job in life is valuable. We want them to have an easier life but easier is not necessarily happier. There are people going to big paying jobs and they are miserable. So as long as he finds a passion, college or not, that he is happy about that is the real important thing & to just support exploring his options is what is the best. Sometimes we need to sit back & let them come to us for advice & help and it works better. Still at almost 43 yrs old I prefer when my parents wait for me to come to them & say, Mom, I'm thinking, what do you think" and then I listen & say ok I'll think about that thanks.

MariesImages said...

ok, sorry, I am trying to read these in order & then comment...Ü
I think you should also talk to the girl's parents, tell them how you feel about the situation & how you want him to be responsible....& they need to back you up.
Just a thought~
Ü

Kelly said...

I seriously cannot imagine letting my daughter's boyfriend spend the night at my house! Oh my word! And you're right, he's 18, he can do what he wants - but that doesn't mean you don't still want what you think is best for him. He will always be your little boy, after all!

~~Kath~~ said...

Oh my gosh, you could be ME writing about MY son!! Same situation, except his girl ended up getting pregnant. While we THOUGHT he parents were allowing him to stay the night, we found out later he would pretend to leave, then crawl back in through her window. It's all worked out in the end, though, as we have a DIL and two beautiful grandbabies. The military has forced him to grow up, and her, too. It's so cliche, but "Give it to God." You can't fix anything by worrying, which was a hard lesson I learned, but giving the worry up has helped tremendously! Good luck! ~~Kath~~