Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Harley's Gone

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I'm so very sad...

I can't tell you how upset I am about Harley. I feel like we've lost a child. I know that must sound silly. I can't believe I feel this bad. I keep telling myself, I'm being a big boob, he was just a dog. But, Harley was more than just a dog to us. He went everywhere with us, he did everything with us, he slept with us, he was part of our family, and I can't stop crying.

Harley was hit by a big rig at a rest area in Oregon yesterday morning. My guy had stopped to stretch for a minute, and give Harley some time out of the truck. They were the only ones there. They had walked to the pet area and were walking back to the truck when another truck drove in. Harley got under the trailer of this truck. My guy had only enough time to holler for Harley before the trailer tires got him. It was just a horrible accident. The other driver never even knew he had hit Harley. Immediately afterwards, Harley lifted his head for a second, and then he was gone. My guy was right there.

When I finally talked with my guy, I had no idea what had happened just hours before. I cried hysterically. I couldn't believe it. Harley was so good, he minded us so well, always by our sides, so eager to please us. Always happy to see us, even if it had only been just 10 minutes since he saw us last.

When my guy hollered for him in panic, Harley just froze. Harley didn't know or understand what was happening. It happened so fast. I've heard this from so many other people when they've lost their dogs tragically.

My guy ran back to his truck to get something to wrap Harley in. Harley just looked like he was sleeping. My guy picked Harley up and took him with him, hours up the road, hoping all the while that Harley would wake up. My guy arrived at his load destination and then was back on the road again before he stopped to buy a shovel and flashlight. It was now dark. My guy found another rest area they stop at all thetime and buried Harley under a tree there. My guy feels just horrible.

I'm sorry to have gone on and on here. I know I will be okay. I know accidents happen. (I just wish this accident happened to someone else!) I will miss this little guy. I can't imagine the pain my guy is going through; the what if's, the blame, the guilt, the emptiness he must feel without Harley there with him, the hours of driving along with nothing more to think about, the replays of the whole incident the mind goes through, etc.

Anyway... it will take time.


kat said...

Of COURSE you're sad....your heart must be broken. It's obvious from the contents of this journal how deeply you loved Harley. I am so, SO sorry!!! What you're feeling is not silly at all. Our pets ARE our family. Do not diminish the depth and importance of your grief. My heart goes out to you and your guy. As a LONG time dog owner....I know what a terribly difficult time this is.
Comment from sunflowerkat321 - 11/3/04 3:34 AM

Jen said...

Awwww this entry broke my heart! I can tell Harley was definately loved and adored. I pray that you all find peace in this sad, sad time.
God Bless,
Comment from jjsilcocks - 11/5/04 11:21 AM

sonya said...

Oh, I came in to check on your journal and see how you were this week and I am so sorry. I am crying too. If you read my journal you will know how attached I am to my Tugie the Toy P and the very thing you have described is the very thing that I fear. My heart goes out to you. I hope you will always remember the good memories and erase this last horrid event from your mind. Bless you all. I pray that you will find peace and laughter again as you go from day to day. I know your heart is hurting. And these little pets ARE OUR CHILDREN!! No doubt about it.
Comment from bookncoffee - 11/6/04 8:07 AM

nettie said...

Oh no. I just saw the photos of the little guy last week and now he's gone. I can't believe it either. I'm so sad. How heartbreaking for you. I'm so very sorry. What a sweet little guy he was.

Comment from cneinhorn - 11/7/04 9:25 AM